As I sit here with my glass of wine i wonder who i am. why is it that i see myself usually full of life and energy and love for everyone. giving everyone a chance it doens't matter who. I love to much, I cry to much. I am me too much. what to do? Today for no reason I sat and cried. I cried because of my life. I have everything that I could ever really ask for, but i cry for me. I would rather bury my face into a good book that live my life. Maybe that is why I read the way I do. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy or toddler whatever you want to call him.....he is still my baby and will always be. a home to live in a great car......a job where people care about me. a school to go to(even though they piss me off). why do I not like myself. Last night i almost thought about doing the anorexic thing. not for anyone else but for me. I sat for about two hours contemplating.........I know I know........completely stupid. But that thought is always there........but would i look better if i did........lord knows i am not fat........i am just not where i want to be. what is one to do?
I hope no one thinks i am stupid..........cause i am. I sat here and cried tonight because the "crocidile hunters' dog Suie, died. It was so sad it fit into me so well.
I need a friend.....spend some time for myself......i have beeen in this stupid town for 3 years and i was good friends with this girl Lindsey. She was extremely nice and we did things together.....until...........she turned into a super psychotic stalker. It would be nice to be around my friends again. Sorry if i am depressing anyone......i will go now.
"Wilt as thou love"